Hashbrown Casserole

Vegetarian

Mmm... Breakfast... I was wondering what to do with the giant bag of hashbrowns in the freezer. This recipe is a mash-up of a couple of other ones I found, but they all called for butter and corn flakes. I have neither so I winged it. 

1 (2lb) Pkg frozen hashbrowns, thawed
8 oz Sour cream
1 Small onion- Diced
1 Can cream of mushroom
2 Cups grated cheddar- divided in half
1/4 Cup milk
1/4 tsp minced dried garlic
Pepper to taste
Bacon salt to taste
1/2 tsp Chili powder, paprika, cajun seasoning- equal parts

Preheat oven to 350°.
Mix all ingredients, reserving 1 cup of cheese. Spray casserole dish well with cooking spray and drizzle some olive oil in the bottom. This will stick if you do not grease the pan well. Pour mixture into dish and spread cheese on top. Sprinkle pepper and a little more spice mix on the cheese. Bake for 35 minutes to an hour- depending on size of pan. Deeper dish will require more cook time.

Chipotle Hummus and Rosemary Tortilla Crisps

Vegetarian

I am eating this right now and it's fucking yummy! I made the hummus and realized I wanted something to eat it with (other than a spoon, which was my original plan). Found our Milagro Tortillas and magic happened.

Hummus Recipe


2 Cans Garbanzo beans (drained, reserve juice)
1 1/2 Tbsp Fresh lemon juice
2-3 Chipotle peppers- minced (save the adobo sauce)
3 Tbsp Tahini (you can find it near the peanut butter, it's basically sesame butter)
1 1/2 Tbsp Extra virgin olive oil
2-4 Cloves garlic- minced
1/4 tsp Fresh rosemary- super-fine minced, almost microscopic
Salt- to taste

In a small pan, heat rosemary, garlic in olive oil just until fragrant. Set aside.

Drain garbanzo beans and place in food processor. Add all other ingredients, along with a bit of the adobo sauce from the peppers for extra smoky heat. Pulse until creamy, adding juice from garbanzo beans as needed to keep mixture moist. Don't make it too runny!


Rosemary Tortilla Crisps

Tortillas- Any kind. I've done these with wheat ones and they were great
Super-fine minced rosemary, just a pinch
Sea salt

Mix rosemary and salt. Slice tortillas into eighths and place in a single layer on a cookie sheet that's been sprayed with cooking spray. Lightly spray the top of the slices with the cooking spray and sprinkle with rosemary salt. Bake at 350° for 8-11 minutes until brown like in the pic. Enjoy!

Shepherd's Pie

Flexitarian

I realized yesterday that I have never made a shepherd's pie before. I also remembered that I'm trying to stop eating red meat. So I looked around and found this recipe. I love Natalie's Killer Cuisine and I figured I could switch this great recipe up and make it flexitarian. I am making the carnivorous version tonight though. Did I mention I am a bad vegetarian?

Here is the recipe with a few of my own tweaks:

Meat (or not) Filling
1/2 lb Ground beef*
1/2 lb Ground Polish sausage*
1/2 tsp Minced dried garlic
1/2 tsp Minced dried onion
1/2 tsp Dried parsley
1/2 tsp Ground cumin
1/4 tsp Dried dill
Salt and pepper to taste
2 Strips bacon (omit for Flex)
1 Carrot- diced
1/2 Onion- diced
2 Cloves garlic- diced
1 Small can mushroom stems and pieces (can use fresh too)
*Substitute with Boca veggie crumbles for Flex

Potatoes
Whatever potatoes you prefer for mashing. I used red potatoes.
Mashed potato flavoring packet
Milk
Shredded cheese- I used fresh Parm


Brown the ground meats (or Boca) with the dried garlic and onion, parsley, cumin, dill, S&P. Remove from pan and set aside.

Fry bacon in pan until crispy and drain on paper towel. Skip the bacon and use olive oil for the veggies and add some vegan bacon salt for Flex.

Cook the diced carrot, onion, and garlic in the bacon grease for 3 minutes. Add the mushroom pieces and cook for another bit, until tender. Meanwhile, chop the bacon. Mix with the meat and add the finished veggies.

Boil potatoes until you can poke through them with a knife very easily then drain and mash. I used a mashed potato garlic and butter flavor seasoning packet, but if you want to do them another way, go for it!

Place the meat mixture in the bottom of a baking dish and cover with potatoes and sprinkle cheese on top.
Bake at 350° for 15 minutes.

Broke-Ass Beans

Flexitarian


We are super broke right now. I'm talking down-to-change-with-no-income broke. One good thing to always have around is dried beans. I just happen to have about four pounds laying around. You know what that means? Time for beans!


I figured it out, if you already have all the dried spices, this meal would cost less than $10 if you had to buy the rest of the stuff, including olive oil. And unless you are feeding a literal army, it should feed a small family with leftovers for soup tomorrow.

Bean Spice Mix
(All ingredients are dried spices)
1 Tbsp Cilantro
1/2 Tbsp Parsley
1/2 Tbsp Ground White Pepper
1/2 Tbsp Sea Salt
1/2 Tbsp Cumin
1/2 Tbsp Chili Powder
1/3 tsp Basil
1/4 tsp Sage
1/4 tsp Ground Ginger
1/4 tsp Cayenne
1/4 tsp Tumeric
1/4 tsp Thyme


Pepper Mix
2 Jalapeno Peppers- Chopped or Minced (seeded or not)
1/2 Tbsp Chile Pequins (optional)
5 Cloves Garlic- Chopped or Minced
1 Tbsp Liquid Smoke
1 Tbsp Olive Oil or Butter


Broth
1 Sliced Onion
1 Ham Bone (optional)
1 1/2 to 2 lbs Dried Pinto Beans
1 Can HEB Brand Petite Diced Tomatoes- Either Chipotle or Green Chile flavor
Bullion Cubes, Vegetable broth, or whatever you use to make broth
Optional Not-So-Broke ingredient- 1 can of beer or a couple of shots of tequila. Substitute proportionate amount of water for beer.


Directions
Sort and rinse dried beans and either soak over night or do a "quick prime". To quick prime, add beans to boiling water and boil for 5 minutes, give or take. Once they start to float, set aside for an hour while you prep the rest of the ingredients.


Get all the ingredients for the spice mix together and mix. Set dry ingredients aside. 


Finely chop or mince the peppers from the pepper mix ingredients, or cheat and use a mini food processor with a splash of olive oil so your fingernails don't burn. Warm olive oil or butter in small pan and add peppers and liquid smoke. Saute until soft. Add garlic and a splash of water and cover. Once the garlic renders a bit, remove from heat and set aside.


Cut the onion in half and slice. Drain beans, add water to about 2 inches above beans, less if you are using veggie broth. Return to high heat and add broth ingredients, pepper mix, and bean spice mix. Boil rapidly for 20-30 minutes, then reduce heat and simmer (covered) for 2 hours, stirring and tasting broth occasionally. Serve when beans are soft. If you see water running low and you are not near the end of cook time, add some more water and taste. If the broth is bland, try adding bullion cubes, chili powder, or salt. The trick to these beans is a good, strong broth. 

Pre-Thanksgiving Post

I am excited about Thanksgiving. Maybe a little too excited. Thera and Chris are coming down with Albie, this is my first T-giving with Brandon, we are all going to Tara and Whit's, and I get to cook for a ton of people! It is all I could ever want (with the exception of having my brother Kevin here). And, as always, I am cooking too much food.


I have a few recipes I came up with and thought I would post them in case anyone was interested in checking them out. 

Albuquerque Cornbread Stuffing

I don't have a pic of this, but I imagine it tastes like Angelina Jolie having an orgasm

2 Packages (6 oz) cornbread stuffing mix

1 Can cream corn

2 Eggs

Grated cheese

1 New Mexico Green Chile

Chicken Broth

1 Tbsp Butter

Onion (fine chopped)

Garlic (minced)

Rosemary (minced)

Celery seeds

Sage

Preheat oven to 350°. Dice chile and roast in a little butter until they sweat. Prepare cornbread with cream corn instead of milk. Stir in chile. You may add a little milk if mixture is too thick. Pour in greased baking pan. and bake according to package. Cool when done and reserve for up to 2 days. 

To make this a stuffing, sizzle onion, garlic, rosemary, celery seeds (or chopped celery if you have it), and sage in butter until onions are clear-ish. Crumble cornbread into large bowl and add sizzled veggies. Stir a little then drizzle in chicken broth while stirring until moist. Spoon into a baking dish spreading until it is about an inch to 1 1/2 inches thick. Bake at 325° for 45 minutes or until heated and brown-ish on top.

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Parsley Potatoes

Crappy photo

I mentioned these in my False Hare recipe but didn't post the recipe, so here it is!


Red Potatoes (about 2 per person, depending on size)
Beef bullion
Bay leaf
Fresh parsley
5 Garlic cloves
1/4 Onion or one shallot clove
Olive oil
1/2 - 3/4 Cup sour cream
Whole milk 
Butter
Salt and Pepper


Chop potatoes into medium sized chunks (skin on!!). Bring a big pot of salted water to a boil with beef bullion and bay leaf. Once water is boiling, add potatoes and boil until soft enough to squish with the back of a spoon. 
While potatoes are boiling, put parsley, garlic, 1 tbsp olive oil, and onion in a food processor and blend. You can just chop if you want to. Drain potatoes and place in bowl with parsley mix, sour cream and a bit of butter. Use masher until potatoes are mostly mashed then add milk a little bit at a time and stir with fork until it reaches the right consistency. 


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Cranberry and Apply Chutney

Totally not my photo, just a placeholder

2 (16 oz) pkg fresh cranberries
2 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar2 cups water
2 cups orange juice
1 cup raisins
2 med apples, chopped
2 tsp ground ginger


Combine cranberries and water. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until cranberries start to release their juices, about 15 minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, about 15 minutes or until thickened- stirring occasionally. According to a couple of recipes like this, the chutney will keep in the refrigerator in airtight container for up to 2 weeks so I am making this on Wednesday.


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Mother Fuckin Turkey!


For any good poultry you have to have a good rub. I think I have perfected mine. This recipe makes a ton of it, you don't need to use it all on the turkey.


Rub Recipe

This recipe filled an old spice jar to the brim. 

I like to label my spice mixes with the ingredients on the label.

3 Tbsp Brown sugar
2 Tbsp Paprika
2 Tbsp Ground white and mixed pepper
1 1/2 tsp Bacon Salt
2 tsp Chili powder
1 tsp Garlic powder
1/2 tsp Cayenne
1/2 tsp Ground ginger
1 tsp Ground thyme


Mix. Duh... That was easy, huh? Put it in an old spice jar or ziploc.


The Bird

Obviously not my turkey. Worship Raptor Jesus in it's absence.

Whole Turkey
1/2 Onion
1/2 Lemon
Garlic Cloves
Sprig Rosemary
Bunch of Parsley
Bay leaves
3 Tbsp Butter
Chicken or Turkey broth
Olive oil


Start in the morning or the night before with the rub. Mix 2 tsp rub with butter. Remove giblets and whatnot from the inside of both cavities. Reserve if you need them for something else. If you don't need them, feed to the rabid weasels (aka cats). Rinse and pat dry the inside and outside of the turkey. Loosen skin on turkey (try not to tear it) and rub butter mix under the skin. Drizzle olive oil all over turkey and rub the rub mix into skin. Place in refrigerator overnight or for a couple of hours in the morning.


Preheat oven to 325°. Take turkey out of the fridge and place in a greased roasting pan. Pour a half can chicken broth in the bottom of the pan. Place the onion, lemon, parsley, garlic, and rosemary in the cavity of th bird. Tent with foil and roast according to the times below:


Roasting times for an unstuffed turkey:
10 to 18 lbs- 3 to 3-1/2 hours
18 to 22 lbs- 3-1/2 to 4 hours
22 to 24 lbs- 4 to 4-1/2 hours 


Add the other half can of broth halfway through cooking. Allow 20 minutes for the turkey to rest before carving.

Sesame Soy and Ginger Chicken

 Carnivore Friendly

iPhone photography + my poor attempt at purtyin it up

Chicken Breasts (1-2 per person)
Toasted Sesame Soy and Ginger salad dressing 
Dried minced garlic
1/2 Onion (chopped)
Salt and Pepper


Mix salad dressing, salt, pepper, and a little dried garlic in a bowl. Marinate chicken in salad dressing for a couple of hours. 

Just before going in the oven

Spray a baking pan just large enough to hold the chicken with cooking spray. Remove chicken (reserving marinade) and place in pan with a little marinade in bottom of pan. Mix chopped onions into marinade and pour over chicken. Cover with foil and bake at 350° for 15 minutes. Flip chicken and spoon onion dressing mix over the top, cover with foil, and replace for 15 minutes. Serve with rice.

Use-All-The-Veggies-In-The-Fridge-Before-They-Go-Bad Stew

Vegetarian

It's that time of the month. No, not THAT time... gross! It's time to make "Use-All-The-Veggies-In-The-Fridge-Before-They-Go-Bad Stew". Everything that you have used half of, or not used at all, would make a delicious stew. Everyone has different stuff in their fridge, but here's my recipe.

1/2 Onion

1/2 Head of cabbage

4 Tbsp chopped Parsley

1 Jalapeno

2 Handfulls baby carrots

2 Celery stalks

Bean Sprouts

1 Tbsp-ish each: pepper, ground thyme, dill, sage, and some other stuff...

Dried minced garlic

1 Packet onion soup mix

Enough water to cover veggies

Chop that shit up and put it in your crock pot. Set it to low for 6-8 hours. Eat. Cooking leftovers should be simple right? :)

Falscher Hase (False Hare)

A Special German Meatloaf

That's right- there's a fucking egg in it. 

I found this recipe on Stumbleupon and changed it up a little to be able to feed the boys and anyone else who happens to come over. The original recipe is here. Serving with oven roasted Brussels sprouts and parsley potatoes.

From the original recipe site, a little history: "As a Sunday roast, Falscher Hase came into prominence after World War II. Meat was still scarce but housewives wanted to put a special dish on the table so they mixed chopped meats together, wrapped them around eggs and “roasted” the meatloaf in a shape reminiscent of rabbit, a highly prized meat. As per usual, bacon, or “Speck” spiked the flavor, as did parsley, mustard, Hungarian paprika and sour cream."

1 lb. ground turkey
1/2 lb ground Italian Sausage
1/2 lb Ground Beef
2 c. chopped onion (about 1 large)
1 c. bread crumbs, divided
4 eggs
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
2 tsp. ground paprika
2 tsp. prepared mustard
6 T. chopped parsley
3 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
6 - 8 strips of bacon
2 c. beef broth
1 c. hot water, divided
2 tsp. cornstarch
1 c. sour cream (low fat is not recommended)

Chop onions very fine for even cooking. Mix the meat, onion, 6 tablespoons of the bread crumbs, the 4 raw eggs, salt, pepper, paprika, mustard and parsley thoroughly. Sprinkle the rest of the breadcrumbs on a cutting board and flatten out the meat mixture in a rectangle about an inch thick. Arrange the whole, hard-boiled eggs in a row down the middle. Fold the sides of the meat patty over the eggs. Form the meat into a loaf shape. Coat liberally in bread crumbs.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Chop 3 strips of bacon into small pieces and brown in a Dutch oven on the stove. Remove bacon pieces (reserve) and brown meatloaf on all sides in the bacon grease. (This part is really tough.) Lay the remaining strips of bacon over the meatloaf, pour half the beef broth into the pan and place the Dutch oven in the preheated oven. Bake, basting occasionally with the remaining broth for about 45 minutes to an 1 3/4 hours.

Remove meatloaf to a serving platter, cover with aluminum foil and keep warm. Place Dutch oven back on stove top and add 1/2 cup of hot water. Scrape all browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Mix cornstarch with 1/2 cup hot water and add to pan. Bring just to a boil, reduce heat and stir in sour cream. Try not to boil after sour cream has been added. Season with pepper and reserved bacon bits, if desired. Taste before adding more salt.

Jalapeno Marinade Beer Can Bacon Wrapped Chicken

That's right. :)

It's like he's wearing a little bacon vest!

1/2 Tsp ground thyme
1/4 Tsp ground tumeric
3/4 Tsp paprika
1/4 Tsp cayenne
1/2 Tsp ground ginger
1Tsp pepper (I used mixed peppercorn, white is good too)
1 Tsp sea salt or more per taste
1 Tbsp light brown sugar
1/2 Small onion minced
1/2 Small onion sliced
2 Jalapenos
5 Cloves garlic minced (we love our garlic)
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Can chicken broth
1 5 lb whole chicken, innards removed and fed to weasels
Slices of thick cut bacon


Roasting pan
Aluminum foil 
Big ziploc bag
Glass jar
Small food processor if you've got it. You don't need it, but it makes mincing jalapenos more pleasant.
Beer can- empty. I was going to use a bean can, but I couldn't get the sticky stuff off


I have only ever cooked jalapenos and dates wrapped in bacon before, but it occurred to me recently I could wrap all sorts of shit with bacon! Wrapping meat with more meat is only the natural progression of this idea. And now that I know how easy (and cheap) it is to make a whole chicken is, it's on!


Mix brown sugar, sea salt, pepper, ginger, cayenne, paprika, tumeric, and thyme in the jar with olive oil. 
Mince jalapenos, onions and garlic or chop in food processor. I like the food processor method with 2 tbsp of the broth to make sure the jalapenos and whatnot are super pulverized to make for good marinade spreadage.
Put "garlipenion" in jar with about 1/3 cup of broth. Add lemon juice and shake it up.
Put a couple of spoonfulls of marinade under loosened chicken skin and squish it around under there then place chicken in ziploc and pour half the mixture all over inside and outside of chicken. Use more if you need to, just be sure to reserve some. Put the bird in the fridge to think about its delicious fate.
Pour the rest of the broth into the jar with the remaining marinade and stick it in the fridge too.

Marinating

When you are ready to cook the chicken, preheat the oven to 350°. Pour the marinade/broth into the empty beer can, place in a foil-lined roasting pan, and put the chicken on the can. You see where I'm going with this? Good.
Put the thin sliced onions in through the top hole of the chicken and shove down into the cavity. Get your bacon strips and basket weave them around the front and back of the chicken. My bacon weaving technique needs work... 

I should take a class for basket weaving, this is horrible!

Make a tent over the chicken with foil to trap the steam in and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Remove foil and bake for additional 15 minutes to allow it's bacony skin to crisp. Turn off oven and let the chicken rest a bit before carving.

Lazy Lentil Stew

Vegetarian Recipe


I couldn't sleep last night so I needed something easy to make today. Hooray for crock pots!


12 oz Bag of dry lentils rinsed and sorted
4 Red potatoes (Don't peel them! The skin is where the magic is.)
1 Small yellow onion
2 to 3 Cups of chopped carrots or baby carrots
1 Can of diced Italian style tomatoes with liquid
1 Packet Onion Soup Mix
Minced garlic cloves (Mmm... garlic...)
1 Cube of Cilantro seasoning
Salt and pepper, bay leaf, 
3 1/2 Cups of water (you may need to add more near the end, lentils expand)


Chops all ingredients into bite sizes. Toss in crock pot and add seasonings. You won't need much, thanks to the Italian tomatoes. You could use the Chipotle tomatoes if you wanna go spicy.
Set on low for 6 hours. If not done, crank that shit to high and test every 15 minutes. 

Mexican Lasagna

Flexitarian Recipe

Mexicans like lasagna too, ya know...

This might be one of my new favorite recipes. Fuckin nomnom to the max!

1 Hatch Green Chile (this is the first time I have used them, they smell yummy!)

1 small onion- diced

1 can each corn and black beans

1 16 oz jar HEB brand Smoky Citrus Salsa

4 HEB brand Fajita seasoned chicken thighs (frozen)

Flour tortillas

Grated cheese

I sauteed the hatch chile in a tiny bit of EVOO to bring out the flavor and now the house smells AMAZING!! Throw everything in the crock on high for 2 hours and low till dinner. 

30-60 minutes before it is done, shred the chicken and replace in pot for the remainder. 

Spray 8x8 baking dish with cooking spray. Layer in tortillas, salsa chicken, cheese, repeat, end with cheese. Bake at 350° for 15 minutes.

Serve with sour cream and cilantro rice.

For Veg recipe you could probably use the veggie protein crumbles or even just use rice instead of chicken. Going to have to try this Veg soon too!

Caesar Pork Chops

Carnivore-Friendly


This is so easy and cheap with all of 5 ingredients you probably already have. You could make these Ranch Chops too, just use ranch dressing.

1/4 cup flour

3/4 teaspoon Italian seasoning

1/2 cup Creamy Caesar salad dressing

4 pork loin chops with bone (1/2 inch thick)

1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese (can use either fresh or shaky cheese, I mixed the cheeses half and half)

Heat oven to 375°. Spray a 12 X 8 inch glass baking dish with cooking spray.

In pie pan or shallow dish, mix flour and Italian seasoning. Pour dressing into another pie pan or shallow dish. Coat both sides of each pork chop with the flour mixture then dip into dressing, coating both sides well. Place in baking dish. Sprinkle the top with cheese. Bake uncovered for 35 to 40 minutes or until the pork is no longer pink in the middle.

Beer Can Chicken

Carnivore-Friendly

One of my more difficult recipes, but difficulty is relative. I'm impatient, which makes things more difficult. :)

Guess what? You don't have to make this on the grill! Oven-style, bitches! And guess what else? I'm doing a turkey for me and B's Thanksgiving with a giant can of Foster's in the bird's ass. Oh yeah!

1tbsp Packed brown sugar

1tbsp Paprika (any kind)

2tsp Ground black pepper

1tsp Salt

1tsp Chili powder

½ tsp Garlic powder

¼ tsp Cayenne (more if you're feeling frisky)

1 small onion, thinly sliced

1 (5 lb) whole Chicken, rinsed and patted dry

1 (12-oz) can Lone Star Beer (If you're not from Texas, just don't use Bud. That would be blasphemy to this recipe.)

 Place the oven rack on the lowest track, preheat the oven to 350°Count on about 1 ¾ hours cooking time for a 5 pounder.

 Combine the brown sugar, paprika, pepper, salt, chili powder, garlic powder, and cayenne in a small bowl.

 Tuck under the wing tips of the chicken. Loosen the skin along the breast and thighs of the chicken; place about 1 tablespoon of the rub under the skin and rub in. Sprinkle and rub the rest of the rub on the outside and inner cavity of the bird, reserving 1 tbsp. Cover with plastic wrap, refrigerate at least 20 minutes.

 Drink half the beer in the can. Use one of those pokey, triangle hole making can openers to make 2 more holes in the top of the can. Pour the rest of the rub mixture into the can and add some of the onions (it will bubble up). 

 Holding the bird upright, with the opening of the body cavity at the bottom, otherwise known as the chicken butt, and carefully lower the bird onto the can. Be gentle, it's his first time. ;) Pull out the legs so that the bird stands upright, with the legs and can forming a tripod. Put the remaining onion slivers in the chicken neck. Use a long strip of aluminum foil and make a tent over the chicken to seal in any steam.

 Fifteen minutes before the bird is finished, remove the aluminum foil to let the skin brown during the remaining time.

 Turn oven off after time is up and let it stand for 10 minutes, then carve chicken while on the can. The can will be very hot after it's little adventure and should be handled with tongs.