Pre-Thanksgiving Post

I am excited about Thanksgiving. Maybe a little too excited. Thera and Chris are coming down with Albie, this is my first T-giving with Brandon, we are all going to Tara and Whit's, and I get to cook for a ton of people! It is all I could ever want (with the exception of having my brother Kevin here). And, as always, I am cooking too much food.


I have a few recipes I came up with and thought I would post them in case anyone was interested in checking them out. 

Albuquerque Cornbread Stuffing

I don't have a pic of this, but I imagine it tastes like Angelina Jolie having an orgasm

2 Packages (6 oz) cornbread stuffing mix

1 Can cream corn

2 Eggs

Grated cheese

1 New Mexico Green Chile

Chicken Broth

1 Tbsp Butter

Onion (fine chopped)

Garlic (minced)

Rosemary (minced)

Celery seeds

Sage

Preheat oven to 350°. Dice chile and roast in a little butter until they sweat. Prepare cornbread with cream corn instead of milk. Stir in chile. You may add a little milk if mixture is too thick. Pour in greased baking pan. and bake according to package. Cool when done and reserve for up to 2 days. 

To make this a stuffing, sizzle onion, garlic, rosemary, celery seeds (or chopped celery if you have it), and sage in butter until onions are clear-ish. Crumble cornbread into large bowl and add sizzled veggies. Stir a little then drizzle in chicken broth while stirring until moist. Spoon into a baking dish spreading until it is about an inch to 1 1/2 inches thick. Bake at 325° for 45 minutes or until heated and brown-ish on top.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Parsley Potatoes

Crappy photo

I mentioned these in my False Hare recipe but didn't post the recipe, so here it is!


Red Potatoes (about 2 per person, depending on size)
Beef bullion
Bay leaf
Fresh parsley
5 Garlic cloves
1/4 Onion or one shallot clove
Olive oil
1/2 - 3/4 Cup sour cream
Whole milk 
Butter
Salt and Pepper


Chop potatoes into medium sized chunks (skin on!!). Bring a big pot of salted water to a boil with beef bullion and bay leaf. Once water is boiling, add potatoes and boil until soft enough to squish with the back of a spoon. 
While potatoes are boiling, put parsley, garlic, 1 tbsp olive oil, and onion in a food processor and blend. You can just chop if you want to. Drain potatoes and place in bowl with parsley mix, sour cream and a bit of butter. Use masher until potatoes are mostly mashed then add milk a little bit at a time and stir with fork until it reaches the right consistency. 


~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+


Cranberry and Apply Chutney

Totally not my photo, just a placeholder

2 (16 oz) pkg fresh cranberries
2 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar2 cups water
2 cups orange juice
1 cup raisins
2 med apples, chopped
2 tsp ground ginger


Combine cranberries and water. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until cranberries start to release their juices, about 15 minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, about 15 minutes or until thickened- stirring occasionally. According to a couple of recipes like this, the chutney will keep in the refrigerator in airtight container for up to 2 weeks so I am making this on Wednesday.


~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+


Mother Fuckin Turkey!


For any good poultry you have to have a good rub. I think I have perfected mine. This recipe makes a ton of it, you don't need to use it all on the turkey.


Rub Recipe

This recipe filled an old spice jar to the brim. 

I like to label my spice mixes with the ingredients on the label.

3 Tbsp Brown sugar
2 Tbsp Paprika
2 Tbsp Ground white and mixed pepper
1 1/2 tsp Bacon Salt
2 tsp Chili powder
1 tsp Garlic powder
1/2 tsp Cayenne
1/2 tsp Ground ginger
1 tsp Ground thyme


Mix. Duh... That was easy, huh? Put it in an old spice jar or ziploc.


The Bird

Obviously not my turkey. Worship Raptor Jesus in it's absence.

Whole Turkey
1/2 Onion
1/2 Lemon
Garlic Cloves
Sprig Rosemary
Bunch of Parsley
Bay leaves
3 Tbsp Butter
Chicken or Turkey broth
Olive oil


Start in the morning or the night before with the rub. Mix 2 tsp rub with butter. Remove giblets and whatnot from the inside of both cavities. Reserve if you need them for something else. If you don't need them, feed to the rabid weasels (aka cats). Rinse and pat dry the inside and outside of the turkey. Loosen skin on turkey (try not to tear it) and rub butter mix under the skin. Drizzle olive oil all over turkey and rub the rub mix into skin. Place in refrigerator overnight or for a couple of hours in the morning.


Preheat oven to 325°. Take turkey out of the fridge and place in a greased roasting pan. Pour a half can chicken broth in the bottom of the pan. Place the onion, lemon, parsley, garlic, and rosemary in the cavity of th bird. Tent with foil and roast according to the times below:


Roasting times for an unstuffed turkey:
10 to 18 lbs- 3 to 3-1/2 hours
18 to 22 lbs- 3-1/2 to 4 hours
22 to 24 lbs- 4 to 4-1/2 hours 


Add the other half can of broth halfway through cooking. Allow 20 minutes for the turkey to rest before carving.

Sesame Soy and Ginger Chicken

 Carnivore Friendly

iPhone photography + my poor attempt at purtyin it up

Chicken Breasts (1-2 per person)
Toasted Sesame Soy and Ginger salad dressing 
Dried minced garlic
1/2 Onion (chopped)
Salt and Pepper


Mix salad dressing, salt, pepper, and a little dried garlic in a bowl. Marinate chicken in salad dressing for a couple of hours. 

Just before going in the oven

Spray a baking pan just large enough to hold the chicken with cooking spray. Remove chicken (reserving marinade) and place in pan with a little marinade in bottom of pan. Mix chopped onions into marinade and pour over chicken. Cover with foil and bake at 350° for 15 minutes. Flip chicken and spoon onion dressing mix over the top, cover with foil, and replace for 15 minutes. Serve with rice.

Use-All-The-Veggies-In-The-Fridge-Before-They-Go-Bad Stew

Vegetarian

It's that time of the month. No, not THAT time... gross! It's time to make "Use-All-The-Veggies-In-The-Fridge-Before-They-Go-Bad Stew". Everything that you have used half of, or not used at all, would make a delicious stew. Everyone has different stuff in their fridge, but here's my recipe.

1/2 Onion

1/2 Head of cabbage

4 Tbsp chopped Parsley

1 Jalapeno

2 Handfulls baby carrots

2 Celery stalks

Bean Sprouts

1 Tbsp-ish each: pepper, ground thyme, dill, sage, and some other stuff...

Dried minced garlic

1 Packet onion soup mix

Enough water to cover veggies

Chop that shit up and put it in your crock pot. Set it to low for 6-8 hours. Eat. Cooking leftovers should be simple right? :)

Falscher Hase (False Hare)

A Special German Meatloaf

That's right- there's a fucking egg in it. 

I found this recipe on Stumbleupon and changed it up a little to be able to feed the boys and anyone else who happens to come over. The original recipe is here. Serving with oven roasted Brussels sprouts and parsley potatoes.

From the original recipe site, a little history: "As a Sunday roast, Falscher Hase came into prominence after World War II. Meat was still scarce but housewives wanted to put a special dish on the table so they mixed chopped meats together, wrapped them around eggs and “roasted” the meatloaf in a shape reminiscent of rabbit, a highly prized meat. As per usual, bacon, or “Speck” spiked the flavor, as did parsley, mustard, Hungarian paprika and sour cream."

1 lb. ground turkey
1/2 lb ground Italian Sausage
1/2 lb Ground Beef
2 c. chopped onion (about 1 large)
1 c. bread crumbs, divided
4 eggs
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
2 tsp. ground paprika
2 tsp. prepared mustard
6 T. chopped parsley
3 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
6 - 8 strips of bacon
2 c. beef broth
1 c. hot water, divided
2 tsp. cornstarch
1 c. sour cream (low fat is not recommended)

Chop onions very fine for even cooking. Mix the meat, onion, 6 tablespoons of the bread crumbs, the 4 raw eggs, salt, pepper, paprika, mustard and parsley thoroughly. Sprinkle the rest of the breadcrumbs on a cutting board and flatten out the meat mixture in a rectangle about an inch thick. Arrange the whole, hard-boiled eggs in a row down the middle. Fold the sides of the meat patty over the eggs. Form the meat into a loaf shape. Coat liberally in bread crumbs.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Chop 3 strips of bacon into small pieces and brown in a Dutch oven on the stove. Remove bacon pieces (reserve) and brown meatloaf on all sides in the bacon grease. (This part is really tough.) Lay the remaining strips of bacon over the meatloaf, pour half the beef broth into the pan and place the Dutch oven in the preheated oven. Bake, basting occasionally with the remaining broth for about 45 minutes to an 1 3/4 hours.

Remove meatloaf to a serving platter, cover with aluminum foil and keep warm. Place Dutch oven back on stove top and add 1/2 cup of hot water. Scrape all browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Mix cornstarch with 1/2 cup hot water and add to pan. Bring just to a boil, reduce heat and stir in sour cream. Try not to boil after sour cream has been added. Season with pepper and reserved bacon bits, if desired. Taste before adding more salt.

Jalapeno Marinade Beer Can Bacon Wrapped Chicken

That's right. :)

It's like he's wearing a little bacon vest!

1/2 Tsp ground thyme
1/4 Tsp ground tumeric
3/4 Tsp paprika
1/4 Tsp cayenne
1/2 Tsp ground ginger
1Tsp pepper (I used mixed peppercorn, white is good too)
1 Tsp sea salt or more per taste
1 Tbsp light brown sugar
1/2 Small onion minced
1/2 Small onion sliced
2 Jalapenos
5 Cloves garlic minced (we love our garlic)
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Can chicken broth
1 5 lb whole chicken, innards removed and fed to weasels
Slices of thick cut bacon


Roasting pan
Aluminum foil 
Big ziploc bag
Glass jar
Small food processor if you've got it. You don't need it, but it makes mincing jalapenos more pleasant.
Beer can- empty. I was going to use a bean can, but I couldn't get the sticky stuff off


I have only ever cooked jalapenos and dates wrapped in bacon before, but it occurred to me recently I could wrap all sorts of shit with bacon! Wrapping meat with more meat is only the natural progression of this idea. And now that I know how easy (and cheap) it is to make a whole chicken is, it's on!


Mix brown sugar, sea salt, pepper, ginger, cayenne, paprika, tumeric, and thyme in the jar with olive oil. 
Mince jalapenos, onions and garlic or chop in food processor. I like the food processor method with 2 tbsp of the broth to make sure the jalapenos and whatnot are super pulverized to make for good marinade spreadage.
Put "garlipenion" in jar with about 1/3 cup of broth. Add lemon juice and shake it up.
Put a couple of spoonfulls of marinade under loosened chicken skin and squish it around under there then place chicken in ziploc and pour half the mixture all over inside and outside of chicken. Use more if you need to, just be sure to reserve some. Put the bird in the fridge to think about its delicious fate.
Pour the rest of the broth into the jar with the remaining marinade and stick it in the fridge too.

Marinating

When you are ready to cook the chicken, preheat the oven to 350°. Pour the marinade/broth into the empty beer can, place in a foil-lined roasting pan, and put the chicken on the can. You see where I'm going with this? Good.
Put the thin sliced onions in through the top hole of the chicken and shove down into the cavity. Get your bacon strips and basket weave them around the front and back of the chicken. My bacon weaving technique needs work... 

I should take a class for basket weaving, this is horrible!

Make a tent over the chicken with foil to trap the steam in and bake for 1 1/2 hours. Remove foil and bake for additional 15 minutes to allow it's bacony skin to crisp. Turn off oven and let the chicken rest a bit before carving.

Lazy Lentil Stew

Vegetarian Recipe


I couldn't sleep last night so I needed something easy to make today. Hooray for crock pots!


12 oz Bag of dry lentils rinsed and sorted
4 Red potatoes (Don't peel them! The skin is where the magic is.)
1 Small yellow onion
2 to 3 Cups of chopped carrots or baby carrots
1 Can of diced Italian style tomatoes with liquid
1 Packet Onion Soup Mix
Minced garlic cloves (Mmm... garlic...)
1 Cube of Cilantro seasoning
Salt and pepper, bay leaf, 
3 1/2 Cups of water (you may need to add more near the end, lentils expand)


Chops all ingredients into bite sizes. Toss in crock pot and add seasonings. You won't need much, thanks to the Italian tomatoes. You could use the Chipotle tomatoes if you wanna go spicy.
Set on low for 6 hours. If not done, crank that shit to high and test every 15 minutes. 

Mexican Lasagna

Flexitarian Recipe

Mexicans like lasagna too, ya know...

This might be one of my new favorite recipes. Fuckin nomnom to the max!

1 Hatch Green Chile (this is the first time I have used them, they smell yummy!)

1 small onion- diced

1 can each corn and black beans

1 16 oz jar HEB brand Smoky Citrus Salsa

4 HEB brand Fajita seasoned chicken thighs (frozen)

Flour tortillas

Grated cheese

I sauteed the hatch chile in a tiny bit of EVOO to bring out the flavor and now the house smells AMAZING!! Throw everything in the crock on high for 2 hours and low till dinner. 

30-60 minutes before it is done, shred the chicken and replace in pot for the remainder. 

Spray 8x8 baking dish with cooking spray. Layer in tortillas, salsa chicken, cheese, repeat, end with cheese. Bake at 350° for 15 minutes.

Serve with sour cream and cilantro rice.

For Veg recipe you could probably use the veggie protein crumbles or even just use rice instead of chicken. Going to have to try this Veg soon too!

Caesar Pork Chops

Carnivore-Friendly


This is so easy and cheap with all of 5 ingredients you probably already have. You could make these Ranch Chops too, just use ranch dressing.

1/4 cup flour

3/4 teaspoon Italian seasoning

1/2 cup Creamy Caesar salad dressing

4 pork loin chops with bone (1/2 inch thick)

1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese (can use either fresh or shaky cheese, I mixed the cheeses half and half)

Heat oven to 375°. Spray a 12 X 8 inch glass baking dish with cooking spray.

In pie pan or shallow dish, mix flour and Italian seasoning. Pour dressing into another pie pan or shallow dish. Coat both sides of each pork chop with the flour mixture then dip into dressing, coating both sides well. Place in baking dish. Sprinkle the top with cheese. Bake uncovered for 35 to 40 minutes or until the pork is no longer pink in the middle.

Beer Can Chicken

Carnivore-Friendly

One of my more difficult recipes, but difficulty is relative. I'm impatient, which makes things more difficult. :)

Guess what? You don't have to make this on the grill! Oven-style, bitches! And guess what else? I'm doing a turkey for me and B's Thanksgiving with a giant can of Foster's in the bird's ass. Oh yeah!

1tbsp Packed brown sugar

1tbsp Paprika (any kind)

2tsp Ground black pepper

1tsp Salt

1tsp Chili powder

½ tsp Garlic powder

¼ tsp Cayenne (more if you're feeling frisky)

1 small onion, thinly sliced

1 (5 lb) whole Chicken, rinsed and patted dry

1 (12-oz) can Lone Star Beer (If you're not from Texas, just don't use Bud. That would be blasphemy to this recipe.)

 Place the oven rack on the lowest track, preheat the oven to 350°Count on about 1 ¾ hours cooking time for a 5 pounder.

 Combine the brown sugar, paprika, pepper, salt, chili powder, garlic powder, and cayenne in a small bowl.

 Tuck under the wing tips of the chicken. Loosen the skin along the breast and thighs of the chicken; place about 1 tablespoon of the rub under the skin and rub in. Sprinkle and rub the rest of the rub on the outside and inner cavity of the bird, reserving 1 tbsp. Cover with plastic wrap, refrigerate at least 20 minutes.

 Drink half the beer in the can. Use one of those pokey, triangle hole making can openers to make 2 more holes in the top of the can. Pour the rest of the rub mixture into the can and add some of the onions (it will bubble up). 

 Holding the bird upright, with the opening of the body cavity at the bottom, otherwise known as the chicken butt, and carefully lower the bird onto the can. Be gentle, it's his first time. ;) Pull out the legs so that the bird stands upright, with the legs and can forming a tripod. Put the remaining onion slivers in the chicken neck. Use a long strip of aluminum foil and make a tent over the chicken to seal in any steam.

 Fifteen minutes before the bird is finished, remove the aluminum foil to let the skin brown during the remaining time.

 Turn oven off after time is up and let it stand for 10 minutes, then carve chicken while on the can. The can will be very hot after it's little adventure and should be handled with tongs.

Bell Pepper Stuffing Casserole

Flexitarian Recipe


This recipe can be used as a casserole or you can alter it and actually *gasp* stuff bell peppers with it. Turned out to be a hit with the boys, I had to hoard some of it before it was gone so I could have it for lunch the next day. I'm pretty sure someone licked the pan too...

1 lb ground turkey (can substitute ground beef or Boca veggie crumbles for Flexitarian)

1/4 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon dried minced garlic

½ medium onion- chopped

1 jalapeno- chopped

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 teaspoon salt

3 ½ – 4 tablespoons uncooked rice (I used Jasmine rice)

1 (10 1/2 oz) can condensed tomato soup

1 (10 oz) can Rotel tomatoes

3/4 cup water
Half a head of cabbage

Brown turkey meat in olive oil with onions, jalapeno, and cumin. Add rice and remove from heat.

Chop cabbage and spread in bottom of baking dish. Sprinkle garlic flakes lightly over cabbage.

Mix tomato soup, Rotel, and water together.

Spread turkey mixture over cabbage and cover with tomato mixture.

Bake covered at 350 degrees for 1 & 1/2 hours.